| |
| |
|
Coaching Information |
|
|
|
How to Kill Fear When Dealing with Aggressive People
The book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers is regarded as a self help classic. Have you read it? I read it many years ago and I was disappointed by the content of this book that has helped a lot of people take control of their fears. Why? Because I believe we all have the power to go far beyond feeling the fear. And I really think it is important to learn how to transform fear into courage by learning how to use more of your mind and how to take charge of your emotions. There are two ways to take fear and transform it into a different emotional state:
Today I want to look at changing how you represent experiences to yourself. 1. Pick a person you deal with on a regular basis who you find intimidating. Get started by choosing someone who causes you to feel mild fear. 2. Ask yourself -- what does it get me feeling fear around this person? Typically you will answer that the fear causes you to be more alert and careful. However the irony is that when you feel fear you are less capable of responding well to the challenges of the situation. Let me give you an example. When I lived the corporate sales life a number of years ago I had a crazy boss. He would scream down the phone at me, thump the desk with his fist in meetings and threaten to fire me if certain goals were not achieved. I never took this personally because he treated other people in the same way. Still I did feel fear when dealing with him. What did I get by feeling fear? It meant I was careful to say the right thing and to do my job to the best of my abilities to ensure he had no reason to have another go at me. Nevertheless it was not an ideal situation! 3. If you cannot influence the behavior of the intimidator change how you feel. In the case of my boss I matched his behavior to get rapport. When he shouted at me I raised my voice to speak back. When he slammed the desk I became more animated in how I talked and I used my hands more when expressing myself. This pacing will help. However it is not enough you also need to change how you feel. Before you start working with the following approach make sure you are feeling energetic and resourceful otherwise you could get dragged back into the fear itself. Now take a recent encounter with the intimidator and run the scene in your mind as if you are watching it on TV. Pretend you are outside the event watching as a bystander. Next, distort the images until the other person looks absurd. Dress the person in silly clothes or even no clothes! Change their voice until it sounds squeaky like a cartoon character. Slow down their speech until it sounds like a worn out tape. Then speed up the speech until they sound like a bumble bee. Play the scene backwards, upside down or with zero gravity. Do whatever you have to until the scene is ludicrous. Keep playing with the sounds and images until you are either laughing or at least smiling when you think of the intimidator. At this point you have turned fear into a more resourceful emotional state. Well done! When you are new to this technique you will need to run through it several times until you get the hang of it. And for difficult situations I recommend using it daily to shake off those unpleasant feelings of fear you have associated to that person. 4. Keep the benefits of the fear and not the fear itself After step 2 above you know how your fear is serving you. Let us say the fear gives you alertness, safety and carefulness. How are you going to behave carefully around the intimidator without feeling the fear? You need to write down or run through likely scenarios in your mind until you are well prepared to handle whatever is thrown at you. This step is very important and you are in trouble if you skip it. In my case I was mentally ready to work elsewhere, I saved up some money so that if I did get fired it would not be the end of the world and I was always careful to only promise what I knew I could deliver. If I had just changed how I felt without dealing effectively with the situation I would have been in a very difficult situation. Your goal ought to be to feel resourceful and to be intelligent in how you deal with difficult people. Using these tips will help you. How much this information helps will depend on how much energy you put into applying this approach. When I look back on my aggressive boss situation I know that I could have done even more to handle it better. So like you I am always learning. The important thing is to get started and keep heading in the right direction. And take even one step each day to take you forward. NB: get help immediately if you are dealing with a violent individual About The Author Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
MORE RESOURCES:
Coaching - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Do You Mind If Someone Screams At You? A headhunter was on the other end of the phone. He was looking for an assistant to a CEO/Owner for a small, but very successful business. Managing Your Perfectionism What Is Perfectionism?This is the first of two newsletters that address perfectionism. In this issue, we will explore what perfectionism is and why it is destructive. How To Give Criticism Without Bruising Egos As responsible employers, parents, and friends, we have an obligation to correct the mistakes of other people in order to enhance their personal success. The task before us is how to correct a deficiency without damaging the delicate ego that can sometimes get in the way. New Developments Make Christian Life Coaching "The" Career Choice for Work-At-Home Professionals I have watched for a couple years now, as my wife's career has really taken off and I must admit, I am impressed. At the age of 55, having had so many life experiences, it just made me sit up and take notice that something huge is happening. Our Worst Enemy Who do you consider as your worst enemy? The criminals roamingthe dark streets? Your boss who's killing you mentally andemotionally with stress and harsh words? The people in office who are engaging in graft and corruption, instead of helpingthose in need? We have many implications of who our enemies are; but we haveone common foe who is the main cause of our failures andmisfortunes, and we're not even aware of this opponent. You may not want to admit it, but our worst enemy is ourselves. Crisis: Danger or Opportunity? I have often heard motivational speakers say that the word crisis in Chinese means both danger and opportunity. In investigating the facts, I have found running arguments on the web as to whether or not this is true. Miscommunication - Root Cause of Problems? People of two opposing ideas can stir up arguments and fights. It's that situation when one thinks he has the right concept while the other one also believes he has the proper notion. What The Buddha Says About Coaches There is a Buddhist saying that goes like this: "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill it." This means to kill any concept of the Buddha as something apart from oneself. Is Coaching Everything That It Is Cracked Up To Be? Personal or business coaching has helped thousands change their lives and achieve their goals. Yet, for the sceptics it still is a fuzzy concept with little recognition for its benefits. What You See is What You Get H. Jackson Brown Jr. Let's Say You're a Dog. Are You So Competitive You'd Eat a Carrot? Seems like a gal always learns something out on the farm! Yes, it's a farm tale and I'm going to change the names of the animals to protect the guilty!I spent last weekend down in Lower Alabama where my friend from high school owns a farm. On the neighboring property there lives a donkey we'll call "Jake. Taking The Coach Approach When you use what you go through to grow through, you take the coach approach. I am suggesting that you hire your own counsel. Coaches, Do You Make These 7 Deadly Cash Flow Mistakes in Your Practice? Managing cash flow is every small business owner's most important function. Avoid these seven deadly mistakes to make sure you aren't creating cash flow problems in your coaching practice. How to Tune In Your Brain & Feel Confident with People in Moments One day when I was in school, many years ago, the school principal wandered into our class room, sat down and started to talk.He talked and talked; and there was nothing we could do to stop him seeing as how he was in charge!For once he actually said something that interested me and I never forgot what he said. Your Responsibility The other day I decided to skip cooking dinner and ordered fast food, and I ended up finding an insect on it. My husband and I were shocked, grossed out, disappointed, and I do not know what else. 4 Steps to Successful Goal-Setting Successful people have always had clear, focused goals that guide them to greatness.It took Thomas Edison thousands of attempts and thousands of failures over many years to invent the electric light bulb, but he new exactly what he wanted, and his goal kept him going until he achieved it The rest, as they say, is history. Mentors and Coaches: How to Be a Great Mentee or Learner When you invest your time in being a mentee you will be rewarded with accelerated learning and experiences from your mentor. You will learn from and avoid the mistakes that they may have made, learn about your industry, meet great people, form valuable relationships and be able to mentor someone in your future. How Does Sports Coaching Differ from Corporate Coaching? Athletes Versus EmployeesMost athletes are young, open to improvement, eager to learn and anxious to receive what a coach can provide. For the athlete, there is a defined season and something tangible to compete for. Growing On G.R.O.W - A More Specific Coaching Model For Busy Managers The effective coaching of employees by their line managers is fast becoming an expectation from both senior management and from the employees themselves. Many managers are now being taught how best to coach their employees by employing the standard coaching model called G. Freedom for All; Is it Possible? Freedom for all species and people, and freedom of stress; is it possible? Could the Internet be a tool to getting there?Freedom, what is it? I am an Internet writer whose job is to write about the Internet. Does that mean I am locked into this one area? Am I allowed to write about other things? Well today I am going to test out my supposed freedom, by writing about freedom.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
