| |
| |
|
Dating Information |
|
|
|
Love Notes: What DoYou Mean? Secrets of Clear Communication
Recently a man I had met through match.com sent me an email and asked "What's your situation now?" I wondered what he meant. My situation? What situation? Do you mean am I dating anyone? Do you mean, do I have time to see you? Do you mean do I want to pursue a relationship with you? Do you mean you want to hire me as a coach? What do you mean? This is a big problem in relationships. Being clear. How clear are you when it comes to communicating with the opposite sex? How clear are you with yourself? Do you know what you really mean? When we are clear with ourselves about what we want, it is easier to be clear with another. When we are not clear with ourselves misunderstandings occur and hurt and disappointment can result. Would you like to minimize misunderstandings in your communications? Would that make dating and relationships easier? Here are a few secrets of clear effective communication. First, know what you want. Whenever you go to a singles event or log onto your favorite internet dating site, have a clear intention in mind. Better yet, write it down. When you write something down you are forced to be clearer. Writing it down also gives it power and allows you to refer to it later. An intention is different than a goal. An intention will be in alignment with your values and what you want in your life. For example, you may not be ready for a long term committed relationship right now. Perhaps you are starting a new business and are spending a lot of time on that. Or you may have other things that are taking your time. So your intention might be to find someone to go out with, who shares common interests and just wants to have fun. If that is the case, communicate that clearly to the other person. Be specific. It is amazing to me how often we speak in vague and general terms and expect others to know what we mean. The other day I was talking with a client who told me about a man she had been going out with. "I don't know what to think!" She told me with obvious frustration. "He asked me to go away for the weekend and then said something about a special Sunday brunch, 'My treat'. Does that mean I am supposed to pay for the rest of my meals? And what about the condo? I don't know if I can afford this trip right now." Since her boyfriend had not been clear, she was left wondering. Being vague and not being clear leads to many misunderstandings and results in the break up of many relationships that could have been great. This leads us to the next point. Ask for clarification. So often we assume that the other person knows or has the same understanding that we do. I'm sure her boyfriend felt sure that she knew that the weekend would be Dutch. He may have had that understanding with other women he had dated. Yet he and Nancy had never had that conversation and she was too shy to bring it up. Asking for clarification can be difficult, yet when we do not, misunderstandings and resentments can result. And misunderstandings and resentments end up killing relationships. Ask for what you want. Most people are afraid to ask for what they want, because they think they won't get it. Yet unless you ask, many times other people don't know what it is you need! When you ask, you have at least of 50/50 chance of getting it. Are you any worse off if you ask? No, not really. People don't ask for what they want because they don't want to be disappointed. So I am going to give you the secret to asking for what you want and not being disappointed. Ask without being attached to whether or not your request is fulfilled. Ask open endedly. Ask and actually allow the other person to say "yes" or "no" to your request. Ask knowing that you can get your needs met in another way if this one doesn't work out. In other words, detach from the outcome. Yet when you don't ask for what you want, how do you expect the other person to know? So if you want to improve your relationship and your chances for a long term fulfilling partnership, follow these simple guidelines; know what you want, be specific, ask for clarification, and ask for what you want without being attached to the outcome. Use these simple guidelines and you will have fewer misunderstandings. Deb Melton is a certified singles coach and offers individual tele-coaching, teleclasses and live events to help singles prepare to find the love of their life and the life that they love. Deb's philosophy is that it's never too late to live the life of your dreams. She lives in Denver and has been a ski instructor and hiking guide and loves to travel to romantic cities in Italy and France. Sign up for her Free column Love Notes on her website http://www.denversinglescoach.com/ezine_signup.php or contact her at 303-986-2223
MORE RESOURCES:
Dating - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Dating After Divorce: Things To Think About Regarding Dating After Divorce Dating after divorce is a much debated topic due to the psychological and emotional impact it can have on people. Dating after divorce can be complex, too often divorcees don't consider the ramifications of dating after divorce before they jump into it with both feet!If you're going to start dating again after you've gotten a divorce, there's quite few things that you should consider beforehand. Gay Dating Tactics: Your First-Date Dos & Donts IntroductionNothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it's a blind date or someone you're already acquainted with, the first meeting with a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly a mixture of excitement and nervousness. How to Find the Background of Your Online Date The popularity of online dating has increased dramatically over the past few years. While most online daters are honest and straightforward, some seriously misrepresent themselves. Compliments - A Very Powerful Dating Tool! Giving a compliment can be a very powerful tool when dating women. Of course, too many compliments can also make you look desperate and needy. Love Notes: What DoYou Mean? Secrets of Clear Communication Recently a man I had met through match.com sent me an email and asked "What's your situation now?" I wondered what he meant. Great Tips For A Safe Online Dating Experience Dating can be scary no matter how or where you meet. Maybe he hasn't shaved in five years. The Truth About Women Revealed Have you ever imagined what it would be like to read a woman's to mind - especially a woman you want to get into your bed? How about just being able to fake it enough that she thinks you can read her mind?Here are some powerful clues that can tell you if she is interested in you and the type of things she might be interested in in bed.1) Is she biting her lower lip or licking it? She is definitely into you. Change Your Body Language to Be Relaxed When Approaching Somebody New Get a Girl To Seduce You By Changing Your Body Language.Your attitude and confidence are directly connected to your body language. A Real Man Something I find 100% humor in is the fact that men are so quick to call women bitches. Well I will hold my " #1 Bitch " badge with honor! Because you know what that says to me? I Got You! I am a bitch because you can't handle something I have said or done, that you, more than likely caused to begin with. Hes So Not Into You These are words women don't want to hear when they're in a relationship. Unfortunately these words are fact more than fiction. He Was Either The Most Romantic Man In The World - Or A Complete Idiot Heather had been dating Ben for a little over two months. She quite enjoyed his company but was beginning to realize he was not the man for her. Single Sites Are A Great Tool To Network And Develop Fun And Spontaneous Relationships Online If you're tired of the boring and repetitive local dating scenes, then you should consider trying single sites to meet people with your interests alike!Where else can you find a significant number of people who are fun spirited, extremely spontaneous, and just don't want to be involved in a serious relationship as a single person?However, you may be tired of the same old bar and pub scene, so with access to singles dating online, you have a new avenue to meet some new and interesting people!Now keep in mind that online dating sites may be interpreted differently compared to personals sites, and you may have to check each one out to make sure they're right for your needs. Dating personals cater more to the individual that enjoys using the profiles, and chat features to talk to a variety of people at one time. The Freedom to Exist This article will seem like just good old plain common sense. Yet, most people in business of giving advice in dating and seduction are not really addressing it and I know it is a problem for most men. Am I Weird If I Date Online? True story: A few years back I was working with a client who had recently moved to Los Angeles. She was single, did not know many people in the big city, and felt a little lonely. 8 Deadly Dating Mistakes To Avoid! Are you dating or in a serious relationship? Did you realize that very often we make the same dating mistakes over and over again? As outlined in my book "the Ultimate Online Dating Handbook" sometimes these mistakes can lead to losing the date of our dreams, or possibly being in a bad relationship. I've compiled a list of dating No-nos which will help you identify a possible problem that you can work on to improve your dating experience. 8 Steps to Scoring Big in a Bar If you're single, you've probably gone to a singles bar at some point in your life, hoping to make a love connection. But what determines whether tonight will be your lucky night? Chance? Kismet? Maybe. Relationship Red Flags You Shouldnt Avoid All relationships are clearly not meant to be. Only a few really deserve your time and your efforts. Does Online Dating Work? Dating Online is currently the Internets biggest craze, and its here to stay! But does it actually work?I mean, there are tons of Dating websites, but their success with matchmaking is kept rather low key, and I found out why.When I was searching for Online dating websites, I felt that I couldn't trust many of the companies and that they were just trying to get money out of me. Co-Dependency Co-Dependency is an unhealthy reliance on another person for every thought, action, and feeling. It consists of people who seem to be defined by another other person. Dating Tips from Hollywood Halle Berry voted as one of the most beautiful women in the world is twice divorced, Britney Spears - today's pop princess is under thirty and on her second marriage, Brad and Jen - the showbiz couple of all time recently ended their first marriage of four years and Jennifer Lopez the multi-talented walking empire with a pretty face and most talked about booty is on her third marriage. How could this be? These people have all of the things that most of us look for in potential partners - money, power, success, beauty, glamour, fabulousness and celebrity.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
