| |
| |
|
Divorce Information |
|
|
|
How to Recover From Divorce
As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I have developed this list of survival strategies for people who are experiencing divorce. If you or someone you love is in this situation, I hope these ideas will help you. 1. Take your time as you adjust to your changed life circumstances. Recognize that you are going through a major life transition that cannot be rushed. 2. Set up temporary arrangements to help you get through the changes involved in your divorce process. 3. You will often feel frustrated. Avoid the temptation of acting for the sake of acting just because it gives you a temporary feeling of being in control. 4. When you feel uncomfortable, slow down and identify what you are feeling and why. 5. Don't force any more changes on yourself than are necessary. 6. Explore both the benefits and costs of your new life. 7. Think about the future. In your journal, explore the question, "What is waiting to happen in my life now?" 8. Remember to ask yourself, "What am I supposed to learn from this?" 9. Protect yourself against the inevitable forgetfulness and absent-mindedness which many divorcing people report. Make a list of important account numbers, telephone numbers, and the like, and keep them in a safe place. 10. Watch out for too many changes in your life as you recover from the divorce and the changes in your life circumstances. Change causes stress, and you have enough right now. 11. Let people help you. ? If it's impossible to reciprocate, say so. ? People know that your life isn't like it used to be. ? Don't let your inability to reciprocate prevent you from accepting what people willingly offer. 12. Let go of your need for perfection. You will not survive emotionally unless you lower your expectations. 13. Develop your ability to be flexible and find creative ways to solve problems. 14. Learn to set priorities. Do the most important things first. 15. Trust your gut feelings. Pay attention to your instincts and act on them. 16. Simplify everything in your life. You cannot afford to keep it complicated. 17. Find an outlet for your anger. If a friend is not available, look for a minister, rabbi, or professional counselor. If money is an issue, look for a therapist who will see you for a low fee. 18. Teach yourself to let go of guilt. You don't have time for it and it's not necessary. 19. Focus on issues you have control over. If something is beyond your control, don't waste your emotions on it. 20. Create a ceremony to acknowledge your divorce. 21. Learn to be assertive. You can't say yes to every request, whether it is from your family members or people in the community who want your time and resources. If you give it all away, you will have nothing left for yourself. 22. Find ways to take care of your body. Get regular checkups and make time to exercise. You need rest now more than ever. Watch your alcohol intake. 23. Find someone who will listen to you. Sometimes you have to ask, for example, "I need a sounding board right now. Can I have 15 minutes of your time?" 24. Rent a sad movie and let yourself cry (when the kids aren't around). Crying allows you to release the sadness that you are sure to feel. 25. Do at least one fun thing for yourself every week. 26. In your private journal, make a list of all the things you're afraid of. 27. In your private journal, make a list of all the things you worry about. If you have children: 28. Manage your own emotions so you will be able to help your child manage his or her struggle. ? Learn as much as you can about how children respond to divorce and life in a single-parent home. ? Do not expect your child to respond the same way you do. ? Take your child's developmental stage into consideration when responding to his or her behavior. 29. Make it okay for your children to talk to you about their feelings. 30. Keep appropriate boundaries. ? Don't give in to the temptation to let your child take care of you. ? Let your children be children. ? Avoid burdening them with your feelings and the facts of the divorce. ? Find another adult to be your sounding board. 31. Even though you may be unable to be present as much as in the past, your children still need adult supervision. Look for ways for other adults to look in on your kids when they are home alone, even when they are teenagers. 32. Just because your child appears to be handling his or her emotions well, don't assume that he or she is okay. Some kids respond to divorce by becoming overly responsible or by closing down their emotions. They may need to hear, "Tell me how you're feeling." 33. While it is important to listen and accept your children's feelings, it is equally important to set limits on behavior. 34. Keep a private journal where you express your feelings. Be sure to keep it in a private place where your children won't find it. A journal provides a place to express anger, sadness, loneliness, and fear-all of those feelings you feel every day as a single parent. 35. Remind yourself that recovering from divorce will take time. Your recovery will happen on its own schedule, and it will happen. You will get through this intact. 36. Get together with other single-parent families. Sharing times with people facing similar issues can make you feel normal. Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
MORE RESOURCES:
Divorce - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Alienation of Affection - Interference with marriage can cost big bucks in North Carolina Non-lawyers are often surprised to learn that a spouse can sue for money damages in North Carolina based on allegations of emotional harm caused by a third party to the marital relationship. These lawsuits for "alienation of affection" and/or "criminal conversation" are usually brought by the innocent spouse against the guilty spouse's lover; but an alienation action may also be brought against someone like an in-law or other near relative who has advised a defecting spouse to leave the marital relationship. Women And Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce. Divorce and the Stock Market The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce. It is not very encouraging to enter into any kind of relationship knowing that it only has a 50/50 chance of being successful. Deciding On Spousal Support No matter which side you are on, spousal support is something that will need to be taken care of during a divorce. Something must be decided about spousal support, yet, where are you to begin? What are you going to do to resolve this issue of spousal support? Are you afraid to ask for what you already know you deserve, support? Or, are you on the other side, wondering what is going to be required of you as far as spousal support goes?What is spousal support? Who is entitled to spousal support? Spousal support is support given in the form of money or possessions that helps to support a spouse after a divorce. How To Identify What The Question Should I Get a Divorce? Means To You Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's state for a while or an isolated incident (an example is an extramarital affair) that occurred was so terrible, that you want to just chuck it all and start over with a new life!If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?" for any length of time, you should figure out what is making you feel that way if you haven't already. 9 Steps to Regaining Self-Esteem After Divorce Divorce is difficult at the 'best' of times. Even when a couple makes a combined decision to divorce, it can be extremely trying. Grieving the End of Your Marriage, as You Know it The pain of finding out that your partner is cheating on you can be the worst pain you'll feel in your entire life. What is happening to you, you may wonder. Divorce: How To Survive A Divorce And Move On With Your Life One out of every two marriages in America is failing.American families are crumbling and vanishing. There Is Life After Divorce A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not. Divorce--The Five Obstacles to Agreement This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and "Negotiating Agreement" are about how to deal with disagreement--from simple difference of opinion to active upset and anger--and some specific steps that will help you reach an agreement. As you will see, the things you can do yourself are far more effective than anything a lawyer can do for you. Commitment Being marriage means being fully committed to your husband as to the Lord. Look at Ephesians 5:22 it says Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration. Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System Let's look at how a divorce case works so you can see what you face and how you can beat the legal system. The legal divorce process is similar in all states, but there are two common sets of terms. Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce? Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce. Conversely, it could be wise to try to s top your divorce, only you know whether you should. How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce. Divorce The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce. It is not very encouraging to enter into any kind of relationship knowing that it only has a 50/50 chance of being successful. Divorce--Getting Legal Help Without Paying Exorbitant Attorneys Fees Ignorance is the most common trap in the business of divorce, so becoming informed is crucial. However, friends, relatives and "common knowledge" are the worst and most expensive sources of advice. A Time of Grief and Healing After Separation and Divorce I thought I would never feel the light of life again when I realized that my marriage was going to end. In fact I went through a painful year of not knowing if it would end. Advantages to Doing Your Own Divorce There are many advantages to doing your own divorce. Three significant ones are: you'll get a better divorce, you'll save a lot of money, and you'll be able to keep things simple. Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a side.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
