| |
| |
|
Relationships Information |
|
|
|
Picking Up The Pieces
"My feelings have changed," my boyfriend of five years told me during one of our nightly seven o'clock phone calls. "I don't think we should see each other anymore." His words hit me, probably worse than if he had just punched me in the stomach. The pain of being physically hit would eventually subside, but the emotional pain that his words had left would be a battle wound I would carry with me from relationship to relationship until it finally healed. I have had four steady boyfr iends in my life. Two of which I dumped, and two of which I was dumped by. In my experience, it is much worse being dumped than doing the dumping. When you are dumped, you feel like you are being rejected, that you were somehow not good enough. Wen I was freelance writing, evitably I would be rejected either because the magazine didn't have enough room or because they did a similar article. But I read an article that said, "Every article has a home. And when you receive a rejection letter, it is just saying that your article lives at a different address." The same is true with relationship. God has a person in mind for each of us, so when we are dumped by one person, we can just cross that one of our list. The one God has for us is still out there. All we have to do is find him or her. What's the old saying? You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a prince. After I was dumped, I felt numb. Then the anger set in. My anger was building, and I was afraid if it wasn't released soon that I would explode like an active volcano, spewing destruction on everyone and everything in my path. Ephesians 4:26 warns us to "Be ye angry, and sin not...," which indicates that anger in itself is not a sin. It is what we do with that anger, that is. God gave us the emotion of anger as a built-in system that flashes when evil is triumphing, such as when you see your little sister being beat up by an older student at school or when you see one of your teachers abusing a classmate. What do we do with that anger? It is perhaps better to isolate yourself by taking a walk or going into your bedroom. When you are alone, tell God about your problems in detail and from the bottom of your heart. God understands you better than you understand yourself. He knows what you should do and can offer you advice you never thought of. Just talk to Him as if you were talking to a friend. Then decide what course of action to take. Make sure it is an action where you are able to handle your anger constructively. Punching someone out or telling a someone off is not handling your anger appropriately. Before trying counseling, find a good friend who will let you use him as a sounding board. Someone you can call day or night, who will listen to you about your problems and feelings. Promise to do the same for that person at some future time. If you can't find a friend to "vent" to, buy a journal. Some people find writing out their feelings in a private place where no one else will see it helpful. I personally write my journal entries as prayers to God. Or write a letter to the object of your anger. Write everything you want to tell that person. After you are done, either rip it up or put it through a paper shredder. I do not suggest sending it to that person. When nothing else seems to work, seek counseling. Perhaps your pastor could counsel you or refer you to someone who can. Try to get to a Christian counselor. One who is a mature believer. He will also need to be a good listener. A person who does not necessarily solve your problems for you. No matter how my ex-boyfriend treated me, no matter what he said, it was still necessary for me to forgive him. I imagined my ex-boyfriend sitting on my couch and told him why I was mad at him, made a decision to forgive him and to release the bitterness I felt toward him. Then I asked God to forgive me for holding a grudge against him. Afterward, I felt one-hundred percent better. Matthew 6:15 says "But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. " This shows how important it is to forgive, if we want God to forgive us. Even after you choose to forgive someone and give the matter to God, you may still feel angry toward that person. It is not that you haven't forgiven him, it is just that your feelings haven't conformed to your decision yet. In time, your feelings will catch up. Your feelings are not an accurate judge of what is true. In the meantime, Matthew 5:44 (KJV) gives us this advice, "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." It will be hard at first, but stick with it and your feelings of anger will have to flee. Don't be anxious to rush into a new relationship because you attract what you are. For example, if you are a hurting person, you attract hurting people. If you are a whole person, you attract whole people. Instead of jumping into another relationship, spend sometime working with God on you. When you love yourself just the way you are and have developed a relationship with God, then you will be able to attract a godly man who really loves you rather than a loser who will dump you for the next pretty thing that comes along. About The Author Annagail Lynes is editor of VisionHope Magazine. She specializes in writing articles for young adults about dating, school, parents, peer pressure and other youth-related issues. Get your Free Sample Issue of VisionHope, plus free articles and free pen pal ads at http://visionhope.ontheweb.com; visionhopemag@netzero.net
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Calling All Single Parents! Why not Try Online Dating? Forming a relationship when you're a single mother or father can be a very hard and frustrating time, but why don't you use the Internet to do most of the work for you?The World Wide Web has thousands of other singles looking to form relationships, many which are single parents as yourself, so what's stopping you from meeting these single parents?I'm sure the last thing you want for your children is for them to grow up without a mother or father, it makes the most simple tasks like going out for the day a real headache as you have to plan everything down to the last detail by yourself. This can be a really tough time for both them and yourself and can put a real strain on your mother/father-child relationship. How to Increase Romance with Humor Ask any single adult what qualities he or she wants in a spouse or partner, and one of the first answers is always "a sense of humor." Yet relationships and most marriages easily lose the early excitement after living together for several years. Power Struggle! The greatest asset we have in human existence is our soul growth, but somehow we have that confused with becoming powerful. Power does not bring growth unless we understand the essence of sharing that power. You are Killing US with YOUR Jealousy Hey all, I feel that need to reach out and touch someone. So here I am again. 8 Ways to Improve Your Long Distance Relationship Couples in love may often find themselves having to live apart for a period of time throughout their relationship due to job commitment, studies, military obligation and etc. This has made us wonder whether a relationship can survive the physical distance. The Evolution of Dating at 40 and 50 I am sick of the dating scene at 40. The hassles of trying to meet someone is grating over my nerve cells. Honesty Accepted - Deception Denied We've all done it at one time or another, or will do it sometime in the future. Regardless of when you do it, just remember you will get caught eventually and when you do, you cannot bury your head in the sand. How to Spot a Cheater Is your man the cheating type? Here are some clues to help you find out if he is cheating. Please note that just because you feel your man is cheating, does not mean that he really is. Things Every Couple Should Know In my family law practice, one of the most common things I hear over and over from clients who have just had the law explained to them is, "I wish I had known that a long time ago!" Or, "If only I had known that before (whatever) happened." People entering any form of long-term relationship, whether married, domestic partners, or just living together, are typically unaware that their relationship to each other--and to third parties, like creditors or government agencies--are defined and governed by rules of law, often in ways they did not expect or would not have agreed to had they known. An Introduction to Relationships "Love makes the world go around" was true when it was first uttered many years ago and remains just as true today. Love is what everybody is after. Stop, Look, & Listen: The 3-Step Approach to Understanding Your Partner IntroductionDo you feel misunderstood by your partner? Seem to keep getting into repetitive arguments over the same things? Have hidden resentments toward him and a mountain of unmet needs? If you're like a lot of other gay couples, chances are your listening skills might need a jump-start; and if it's not that, then fine-tuning your ability to listen can go a long way toward bridging the gap between you and your lover and bringing about more clarity and connection in your relationship.Conflict is inevitable when you're a couple, but how you go about negotiating it can mean the difference between cuddling on the couch together or sleeping on opposite sides of the bed when you retire for the evening. Relationship Advice: 10 Tips for a Blissful Relationship 1.Often in marriage, especially in the early years, there is a choice: You can be right or you can be happy - not both. Choosing an Online Dating Service The problem with choosing a dating service is choice -- too much of it! There are hundreds of services. To choose a dating service that's right for you, you need to be clear about what exactly you're looking for. Maybe Not Bones, But Hearts...And Worse: The Destructive Power of Simple Speech Out of the blue, slap bang in the middle of a working day, an unexplained sensation inside your mouth breaks your concentration.You have deadlines to meet, and you react merely by immersing yourself with new determination in the task in hand. Tips for Building Love Relationships - 1 Nearly everyone claims to want a great relationship with their significant other. But what do they do? Same old thing over and over, and then wonder why it all went bad. Is The Internet A Miracle Cure For Loneliness? A few years ago a surprising survey discovered that people who spent a lot of time on the Internet were a lot lonelier than people who didn't spend much time on the Net.This was an unexpected find because many people view the Internet and e-mail as a great way to make and keep connections with other people. Mairi Mairi came into my life about two years ago. She came from Arizona with a cheap trailer, four kids from three different fathers, and a seriously negative attitude. How to Survive an Affair - Take Care! Surviving an affair can be a very traumatic experience. Partners tend to know which strings to pull to antagonise the situation especially if there are children involved. The Thoughts that Occupy the Minds of Most Men Please note that this is not an attempt to give you a comprehensive list of the thoughts of all men, but rather my attempt to lead you into the crevice of the minds of most men. There are certainly men that do not think of most of the things here - those yet to be born. A Heat-scar Named Desire Where on earth is my "play on words" taking me with this one?I remember so well those taunting words."They told me to take a streetcar named Desire and then transfer to one called Cemeteries and ride six blocks and get off at Elysian Fields.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
