| |
| |
|
Relationships Information |
|
|
|
Can We Still Be Friends?
Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. Burk Even when we know it's time to end a romantic relationship, we're often reluctant to let go of our partners completely. We've shared so much of our lives with our partner, it seems almost callous to simply cut them out of our lives- especially if we're ending the relationship on good terms. It's natural that we want to hold onto the loving and supportive part of the romantic relationship, and simply let go of the parts that aren't serving us. This is entirely possible: we can remain friends with our former lovers. We both need to want to build a friendship, however. If we choose to stay friends with a former romantic partner, we will have to establish new boundaries and expectations in the relationship. The old checklists are no longer appropriate, and it may take some time to make a successful transition to the new relationship. It's best, in fact, if we do not spend any time together once we've officially ended the romantic relationship. A clean break is essential. We need time to separate our life from our partner's. We need to reestablish our own boundaries and our own identity. And we need to spend a little time mourning the death of the romantic relationship. It takes time for the emotional connections to adjust, and it takes time for us to gain perspective on the entire relationship. Once we're ready to spend time with our partner again, we must recognize that any friendship that we build is a new relationship. It is not an extension or continuation of our romantic relationship. We will need to start slowly, and to build up a new level of trust. It will take some time to make sure we're using the appropriate checklists. We can't expect the same kind of support or commitment in a friendship as we did in a romantic relationship. By the same token, we may find that we could tolerate certain behavior from a lover, but that we won't accept it from a friend. In many ways, friendships are far more demanding than romantic relationships. We look for a higher level of shared interests and compatibility with our friends than we do with our romantic partners. We may discover that our former lovers don't make the cut as friends-and there's nothing wrong with that. We have a much easier time letting friends drift out of our lives than we do with letting go of romantic partners. Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life. Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE report on creating AMAZING Relationships.
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
For Better Or Worse For Better or WorseI was in the middle of a conversation the other evening with a friend of mine, and her better half. The conversation was about the kids. Getting an Exciting Life After a Break Up Breaking up.The End. Prison Wife: Stand By Your Man There are approximately 2 million men in the prison system in the United States. That means there are a lot of loved ones left behind to wait. Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Dont Want You to Know 1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen. Attraction vs. Love When we first meet someone, regardless of the way or medium that we meet, we are either attracted or not. Attraction, when pursued, eventually grows into levels of friendship and then may cross the barriers we build up, to protect ourselves, and grow into love. Relationship Problems: Solvable or Unsolvable Every so often, I will hear a relationship speaker claim that they have never had a fight or problem in their marriage. My response to such a claim is that the person is either1) lying or2) certainly can't relate to me. The Narcissist and His Family We are all members of a few families in our lifetime: the one that we are born to and the one(s) that we create. We all transfer hurts, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires - a whole emotional baggage - from the former to the latter. Relationship Tips to Grow Close and Stay Close Relationship Tip 1My family loves movies. In the theater, on DVD and VCR at home, and now even in the van. Five Tips for Breaking Free of The Drama Habit and Developing a Healthier Arguing Style We all feel angry from time to time, but feeling angry and acting like a raging, out-of-control child during moments of anger are two very different things. And when anger "crosses the line" in the context of an intimate relationship, it can cause extensive-and sometimes even irreparable-discord and damage. Relationship Red Flags Do Appear Early On So often in the bloom of a new romance we set aside a few "minor" character flaws to let the relationship continue, where sometimes we really should just end it early, and cut our losses. I'll make a list of a few of the ones that often come up. The Three Rings of Relationships Glenna Trout is an international authority on face reading whose name I first registered in the context of Domestic Violence. (She contributed to The Kent Constabulary's extraordinarily informative leaflet on Domestic Violence. Yellow and Orange Flags in Relationships It's been said that love is blind. It may also be deaf and dumb, but in this article I'll deal with the onset of blindness that occurs at the beginning of a relationship. The Power of Authenticity How "powerful" are you?Do you ever cover up how you genuinely feel? Do you ever say what you think you "should," say, based on how you want others to perceive you?Do you ever think you "should" be a certain way?Why?I'll share with you why I did in the past. I "thought" I "should" be a certain way, say certain things, act in the manner that I "thought" would bring me either the results I was attached to, or the acceptance of those I wanted. If You Love Me If you love me, you will keep my commandments?In the love games we play, and in all aspects of human endeavors, maintaining positive relations with each other is a must, to live in harmony and peaceful coexistence with each other.The surest path to keeping good relations with our fellow humans is to know what their dos and don'ts are, and adhere strictly to the same. You are Killing US with YOUR Jealousy Hey all, I feel that need to reach out and touch someone. So here I am again. Cutting the Cord Sometimes, after a relationship has ended, many of us have problems letting go. A lot of my clients often complain of feeling haunted or even possessed by the dearly departed (who probably isn't even thinking of you at all and is busy happily running away with his or her new partner. How To (Wo)man Your Boundaries The first time I ever heard "boundaries" mentioned, it was by my then husband. He informed me that I had to protect and hold his boundaries. The Informal Normal In a Black-Tie-Affair World Have you noticed the trend?You ever notice how on programs like "The Bachelor" most of their dating episodes are via limousine escort? They travel to lavish destinations amid scenic splendor. The sunsets are so beautiful you can almost hear nature singing its own rendition of, "Love Is A Many Splendid Thing". Set Your Relationship Up for Success A quarter of thirtysomething couples are unhappy in their relationships, a new study shows. Just 51% of thirtysomething couples said they were "very happy" in their relationship, with the remainder saying they were "quite happy" but would like to see improvements. How To Find The Perfect Roommates If you have looked high and low, left and right and even peaked around the corner and are starting to think that finding your perfect roommates is just not possible, think again. You can find the roommates you have been looking for by following the old saying "ask and you shall receive".
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
