| |
| |
|
Relationships Information |
|
|
|
Relationship Problems: Whats Your Contribution?
As the story goes, there was once a farmer and his family. They lived in and farmed a huge and gorgeous valley, right next to an equally huge and gorgeous mountain range. Each year as the seasons turned into late summer and early fall, the farmer and his sons would begin to store their barns with hay for the winter. Some years they stored just a little for the winter, some years they stored much more. One year, they began to store hay earlier than ever before. The farmer told his sons that it was going to be a very long and cold winter. As each week began, the farmer would instruct his sons to store more and more, and even more hay. And then as they got further and further into the fall, the farmer and his sons doubled the amount of hay they stored in the barn. The father said "Sons ,we've got to store more hay than ever before. It's going to be a winter like we have never seen." One son, being just a bit tired of storing more and more hay, asked the father how he could know that it was going to be a more difficult winter than ever before. The father replied, "Son, you are now old enough for me to tell you the secret of how I know how difficult a winter it will be. Each year, I look up on the great mountain where the Indians live. On the mountain, the Indians store wood for the winter. Some years, in mild winters, they store just a little. Other years, in particularly harsh winters, they store much more. So I know how cold the winter is going to be by watching how much wood the Indians store away. Now that you know my secret, let's get to work, because the Indians just put away more wood yesterday." Another son, being fed up with storing so much hay, took one of his younger brothers on a journey up to the mountains to speak with the Indians. When they arrived, they approached the chief of the tribe and asked him why he was putting away so much wood this year. To which the chief replied, "This is an ancient Indian custom. We always know how cold the winter will be by watching the farmer in the valley. The colder the winter will be, the more hay the farmer puts away!" What is Your Contribution? Both the Indian and the farmer were simply reacting to each other, believing that each one was the source of the need to prepare the winter. And so it goes in many of our relationships. Whether it is in friendship, marriage, family, or the work environment, we are prone to blame others for the way we behave in the relationship. The line goes something like this, "If only they would do (blank), then I would stop (or start) doing (blank)." So the question then becomes, as in the farmer-Indian story, what is your contribution? Do you do any of the following: =>Expect too much. =>Expect too little. =>Have a preconceived bias against the other person. =>Misinterpret something they have said or done and then fail to check out your perception. =>Expect/demand the other person to change first. =>Expect/demand your own way. =>Do the silent treatment or some other way of shutting the other person out. So what to do? Three steps: 1) Identify your contribution. 2) Take responsibility for it, whether you like it or not. 3) Change your contribution. Ready for the bottom line folks? Change your contribution, and you can not only solve the problem, you can change and improve the relationship. Jeff Herring is a Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Syndicated Relationship Columnist. Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for more relationship tips and tools, a f'ree e-zine and f'ree e-programs to enrich your relationship.
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Warning Signs He / She May Not Be The One We've all looked back on past relationships and said, "What was I thinking". Problem is, you weren't thinking. Relationships Technology The notion that there can be a technology of relationships basically contradicts what we all know aboout relationships. There are entire bookshelves about relationships. Ending a Relationship Gracefully Ending a relationship is never easy. When you feel you must end a relationship most people find it challenging as they have feelings towards their partner and do not wish to hurt them. Relationship Red Flags Do Appear Early On So often in the bloom of a new romance we set aside a few "minor" character flaws to let the relationship continue, where sometimes we really should just end it early, and cut our losses. I'll make a list of a few of the ones that often come up. Being Romantic for a Change Honestly, I do not know anyone who is romantic nowadays other than me and a few people I have met online. Is romance fading from our lives? And why is it always looked at as a silly trivial thing? Are not dreamy romantic people considered losers by some?For me, romance is simply life. Communication in Dating Does your dating relationship have good communication? Communication during dating is what will eventually make or break the dating relationship. If you can not talk or communicate with your loved one, how will they ever know what you expect from your dating relationship?Communication in dating is essential. How Love Dies: Spot the Symptoms Now, and Get Your Love Back on Track Are you starting to feel that your man has changed so much, in a negative way, that your relationship is starting to die a slow death? In this article I will shed some light on the kinds of things men do when they want to extinguish the flame that sizzles their love. I will also give you some some ideas on how you can reignite the fire in your relationship. Say, Whats On Your Mind, Partner? Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting Marge seriously, he has been sending or bringing her flowers. The Power of Authenticity How "powerful" are you?Do you ever cover up how you genuinely feel? Do you ever say what you think you "should," say, based on how you want others to perceive you?Do you ever think you "should" be a certain way?Why?I'll share with you why I did in the past. I "thought" I "should" be a certain way, say certain things, act in the manner that I "thought" would bring me either the results I was attached to, or the acceptance of those I wanted. Relationhip Advice: 10 Magic Words Just about every night at our house, we read a book called "Say The Magic Words Please" to our young son. The story has lots of magic words, such as "please," "thank you" and "excuse me. Global Conflict and Inter-Religious Dialogue: The Importance of Understanding Others As is learned in the study of Comparative Religion, the Avitars (Moses, Muhammad, Jesus, Buddha, Confucius, Abraham and others) had amazingly similar philosophies of belief .. Name That Tune Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 26, 2004I have been married to a wonderfully grounded woman for nine years, and we have two young children. The problem? My mother-in-law lives from crisis to crisis. How We Define Our Relationships? We can fall into the habit of complaining about our relationships, but do we really take the time to evaluate them? Maybe not, because well, we're always right! He or she never listens to ME or does things the way I think is right (the human EGO speaking loudly here!).First of all, we need to understand one thing - which we do not live in our parents' or grandparents' time. The Spiritual Connection of True Romance In the springtime, with the flowers budding and the birds chirping as Mother Nature awakens from winter's sleep, the air is thick with pheromones. It's hard not to have romance on the brain. Home For The Holidays: Start That Conversation Annie waited too long to have that talk with her parents. It was too late to have it now as they were both beyond comprehending the seriousness of their situation. Top 10 Ideas to Revive a Fizzling Relationship Love is exciting, and when a relationship is new, almost everything you do together is fresh and alive, and keeps you enthralled. Then time begins to pass, and while the love is still there, the relationship may have lost some of its sparkle, whether it's because you now have a family or not. Friendship - A Relation of Choice! IntroductionHave you ever heard or have you ever seen, father-son; mother-daughter; husband-wife; boss-subordinates; brother-sister as a friend? Might be yes, but how often and how genuine. At the end of a day, the message is, "mein tumhara baap hoon, jo mein kahta hoon, who karo" (I am your father, do what I say). Telling the Hard Truth Watching television's "sitcom's", I can't help but notice that most of the plots revolve around the same theme - someone being afraid to tell someone else the truth. We saw it in the years that Ross loved Rachel, that Niles loved Daphne, or that George hated Susan. Romantic Relationships: An Internal Process If you grew up in the 80s like I did, you might remember the group Depeche Mode and their hit "Just Can't Get Enough." It is a song about being obsessed with the idea of being with someone, about needing another person. I Love You! The famous three words we never hear enough of in our life. Throughout our life span we keep looking, waiting and hoping for something to take us, or lead us, to our true love.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
